Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. „Will you marry me, darling?” he asked.
Lisa smiled coyly and said, „Yes, if you’ll buy me a mink.”
Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, „Okay, it’s a deal, on one condition.”
„What is that?” Lisa asked.
„You’ll have to clean the cage,” Kurt replied.
Jill: How was your Christmas?
Mary: Oh, it was just fine. How was yours?
Jill: Pretty good… At least this year I didn’t get any useless or stupid gifts. Did you ever get a gift that you just hated?
Mary: Yeah, one year I got one of those talking scales. The first thing it said to me was, „One of you has to get off!”
The four stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.
Without blinking the attendant said, „My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn’t make it a carry-on.”
Grandpa John was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular…
„When I was a boy, my momma could send me to the store, and I’d get a ham, a quart of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, and a Jet magazine… all fo’ a quarter!! You can’t DO that no mo’… them daing video cameras is ever’where ya look……”
At a diplomatic reception, the Mexican general appeared in a magnificent uniform, liberally bespattered with medals and decorations. „That’s most impressive,” said the US ambassador. „Tell me, general, what did you get all those for?”
„In your money,” replied the Mexican general, „about five dollars!”
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