Early Shopping
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's no offence", said the judge. "How early were …
Categorie
Jokes
Kind Word
A lonely stranger went into a deserted restaurant and ordered the breakfast special. When his meal arrived, he looked at the waitress and asked, "How about a kind word?" She leaned over and said, "Don't eat the meat."
Cheating
During the final exam, the teacher noticed that Little Johnny kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the teacher no other choice than to …
Sexual Revolution
Two men were talking. "My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. “I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.”
Black Sweater
Shopping for a black cotton sweater, Mary couldn't find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue. After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. "Mark," she …
Politicians
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election. At the end of the announcement, he said, "More on candidates at 10 P.M." A ten-year-old girl looked in disbelief. "I didn't know they could …
Baseball Umpire
The waitress called out to the restaurant manager, "There's baseball umpire on the telephone. He wants to make dinner reservations for himself and two friends." The manager told her to hang up, "It's a prank call. There's no …
Scared
Lil' Johnny’s mother had been away a week at a convention and when she returned home, she was anxious to hear about his week. "Well, one night we had a thunderstorm, and I was scared, so daddy and …
The Only Child
"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." His mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you …
Light-Headed
A nurse received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
Bowls of Money
A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday …
Discouraging Word
Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said: "Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable beasts I have ever seen." One of the buffalo turned to the other and said: "You know, I …
1962 Rolls Royce
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1962 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original …
Blonde in a Storm
Kate, the blonde, is at her friend's house. It starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kate rushes out …
Airline Meal
On a flight home after a business trip, Bill was waiting for his meal. By the time the attendant reached his seat, only one dinner remained on her cart. Nonetheless, she followed routine by asking, "Steak or chicken?" …
Visitor
"Patty," a lady called to a little girl who was in the parlor, "did you tell your mother that I was here?" "Yes, ma'am," answered Patty, demurely. "And what did she say?" "She said, 'Oh, not that dreadful …
Tour at Runnymeade
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England mid-day. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." A man pushing …
Struggle During the War
Two old men, Bill and Joe, were sitting on a porch reminiscing about World War II. "It was a real struggle," said Bill. "I know what you mean," said Joe. "I remember I was struggling all the way. …
Spend the Weekend
Mary: I've known this really nice man for a while now. I'm thinking of spending the weekend with him. Jill: Mary, you know it's a sin to engage in premarital sex. Mary: Yeah, but it's not premarital sex …
Great Bait
To help untangle his fishing gear, John asked his wife and her sister to walk the fishing line across their front yard and hold it taut while he reeled it back in. A man strolling by saw the …