John got in a fight with a really big guy, and he said, „I’m going to mop the floor with your face.”
John said, „You’ll be sorry.”
He said, „Oh, yeah? Why?”
John said, „Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
One evening, Aspazia drew her husband, Myrddin’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How loving they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?” she asked.
Myrddin replied, „I tried once but she slapped me.”
As the father of five young children, Jim commented at the dinner table one evening that they hadn’t missed him while he was away on a two-week business trip.
But his six-year-old daughter explained, „That’s because Mommy never told us you were gone.”
A man’s ex-wife called him at work wanting to know how to change the light bulb in the bathroom. So he told her: „First, fill the bathtub with water…”
A woman, having walked all around the cemetery, complains to the caretaker, „I have looked all around, and can not find my husband’s grave.”
„Oh? What name were you looking for?”
„Itzic Finkelstein.”
„Hmmmm,” says the caretaker, „must be a mistake somewhere… The only Finkelstein we have is a Rashela Finkelstein…”
„That is no mistake!” says Rashela. „Itzic has always put everything in my name!”
Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people’s home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren’t getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom’s room. Later that night they did just that.
Jim looked at Tom and said, „Did you see that? What were Nancy & Betty wearing?”
„I don’t know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing.”
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