Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist.
„Please fill this immediately,” she said. „I’ve got people waiting in my car!”
At one game, a lady kept up a steady flow of threats at the umpire. No matter what was happening on the field, she kept yelling, „Kill the umpire! Kill the umpire!” This went on for an hour.
Another patron said, „Lady, the umpire hasn’t done anything wrong.”
The woman said, „He’s my husband and he came home last night with lipstick on his collar! Kill the umpire!!”
Little Sam was out shopping with his mother, something he didn’t like very much. But when they passed a toy store, Sam came to life. He saw a new toy in the window that he didn’t have but wanted. Sam begged, pleaded and nagged but to no avail. He got so rude that his mother firmly said, „I’m very sorry Sam, but we didn’t come out to buy you a toy.”
Sam angrily said, „I’ve never met a woman as mean as you.”
Holding his hand gently, she replied, „Sam, darling, one day you’ll get married and then you will … you really will, I promise you.”
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing.
She asked him good-naturedly, „Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?”
„Oh, sister,” chuckled the rabbi, „I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”
Mary: I had to go again today to have bloodwork done.
Jill: Oh, I hate that!
Mary: I do too, but I try to make jokes about it. When the technician says, „You’ll feel a little prick,” I come back with, „Well, hell, I could have stayed married for that!”
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