At a dance
John: I met my wife at a dance. Hector: How romantic! What was the first thing you said to her? John: "I thought you were at home with our kids!"
Categorie
Jokes
Grandchildren
A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion. “Not a single grandchild,” he said with a sigh. “Why, I’ll give a million dollars …
Financial Advisor
While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial advisor at the bank and asked if he were worried. He …
Grandfather’s Birthday
At his 103rd birthday party, the grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th. "I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
Healthy Place
John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native, “Say, is this really a healthful place?” “It sure is,” the native replied. “When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any …
Little Johnny and the Priest
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high …
Amnesia
The manager of a superstore was making mad passionate love to his secretary on his office desk, when unexpectedly, in walked the managing director of the company. "Do you know who I am?" bellowed the MD. The manager …
Dessert
As dessert was served to the visiting pastor, the hostess apologized for not having any cheese to go with the apple pie. Hearing this, her little son slipped down from his chair and left the room, then returned …
Feed the Baby
A young lad was out with his dad in the park when he spotted a woman about to breastfeed her baby. She unbuttoned her blouse, rolled out a very large breast and popped the rosy nipple into the …
First Week of School
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
Birth Control
Mary: Brenda is having another baby. Jill: I can't believe it! This will be her sixth, won't it? Don't she and her husband use birth control? Mary: Yeah, but I'm afraid they use the bottle-of-tequila-rhythm-of-Barry-White method.
Cab Driver’s Name
The passenger noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was Winston Churchill. Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill." The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker." The passenger, not …
Talking Animals
On a hot summer day, a farmer and his dog were riding in a wagon pulled by two horses. After riding several miles, one of the horses said, "Whew, sure is hot today." The farmer, obviously surprised, said …
Old Hotel
While traveling in the UK, John was looking forward to staying in one of the oldest hotels in England, one in Salisbury that dated back to the 13th century. But when he arrived, the hotel clerk gave him …
Bragging about the Kids
At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Finally, …
Stutter
A stutterer returned from a two-week intensive stuttering therapy program in a distant city. His friends asked how the therapy had gone. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers," the stutterer said, completely fluent. His friends expressed …
Qualities
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Tom, just what is it …
Apple Pin
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, Jim noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. He asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said …
Diamonds
Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift-wrapped box. "It's my wife's birthday tomorrow," Doug said. "Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday." "And???" Bill asked. "Well, she …
Last Words
"What happened to you?" asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Last thing I remember was my wife came …