The weary holiday traveler looked in disbelief at a bunch of mistletoe hanging above the luggage check-in center…
Turning to the attendant he asked, “OK, I give up. Why is the mistletoe there above the luggage scale?”
“So you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
The front door was accidentally left open and the dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, Jim got in the car and went looking for him.
He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck.
Finally, he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen his dog.
„You mean the one following your car?” they asked.
A minister told his congregation, „Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, the minister asked for a show of hands from those who read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, „Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
A Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them.
Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, “That’s a bird of paradise.”
The Western Canadian walked on in silence for a moment, then said, “Long way from home, isn’t it?”
A newcomer to the Ashe County political scene was out canvassing votes. He came to a farm and approached a young man milking a cow.
Just as he was starting to make his pitch for a vote, an old man came out on the back porch and called to the young man, „Luke, come on in the house. Who’s that man talking to you?”
„Says he’s a politician, Pop”, replied Luke.
„Well, in that case”, says the old man, „better bring the cow in with you.”
A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, „Hello luv, how’s about us going for a walk together?”
„How dare you,” said the woman, „I’m not one of your cheap pickups!”
„Well then,” said the beggar, „what are you doing in my bed?”
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