Life of Animals
Little Johnny and his little sister are reading the book "Life of Animals". Suddenly, they jump from the couch and run to their grandmother. "Grandma, grandma, can you have children?" they asked. "Oh my dear, of course not." …
Categorie
Jokes
Lost memory
An old man says to the doctor: "Doctor, I lost my memory!" Doctor: "When did this start?" The old man: "When did what start!"
Missionary and the Cannibal
The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe. The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it …
Only child
Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said, "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school." "That's nice of her to …
Grandfather
A small boy approached a white-haired gentleman in a store and asked, "Are you a grandfather?" "Yes," replied the man with a smile. "Oh, I'm glad," said the boy, "because my grandfather isn't here and I need a …
Long Time Couples
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Well, it's …
Password
A customer couldn't get on the internet. Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
Start Over
Arriving home from work at his usual hour of 5 p.m., Jim discovered that it had not been one of his wife's better days. Nothing he said or did seemed to be right. By 8 p.m. things had …
Skills
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I …
Secret Service
Jack was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to …
Ten or More
A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful of people there applauded. He thought to himself, "I can't believe it. People recognize …
Unhappy Hunter
A young guide took a man hunting. The man got a good share of ground squirrels but, unhappy with the lack of real sport, said, "Young fella, take me where there's some action. There's some danger in going …
Snake
Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. Little Johnny: You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
Student athlete
Student athletes tend to focus too much on sports. The coach was talking about one such player, who called him at home one night. When his wife informed the kid that the coach wasn't home, he became frantic …
Handsome Tip
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a …
Failed Survey
The U.N. conducted a worldwide survey with only one question: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a total failure. Africans didn't know …
Experience
A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we …
European Castle
A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all …
Bride Wears White
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The …
Best Doctor
A woman sat in the crowded waiting room and became engrossed in a magazine. When the nurse called her name, she found her leg had gone to sleep and she limped awkwardly in to the doctor's office. The …