„You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,” said the new tenant’s neighbor. „Why on earth did you get married?”
„I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,” was the reply. „He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”
A husband had just arrived home from a six-month tour of duty. The husband closed the front door and immediately he and his wife were furiously making love upstairs when, suddenly, the wind slammed a door shut somewhere else in the house. The husband said jokingly, „Oh God! NO! That must be your husband coming home.”
And the wife replies without thinking, „No, don’t worry. He’s off in the Navy for six months.”
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, „I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”
And the boss said, „And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”
There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend.
„Do you mean to say,” exclaimed Cindy, „that the bum asked you to give back the ring and all his presents?”
„Not only that,” said Carol, „he sent me a bill for 37 visits.”
Jill: I read that vigorous, long-lasting sex can cause amnesia.
Mary: Is that right?
Jill: Is what right? I’m sorry. What were we talking about?
A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made from monkey glands, which worked perfectly. Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby.
When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, „Is it a boy or a girl?”
„We won’t know until it comes down off the chandelier.”
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