Real Estate
"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one …
Categorie
Jokes
Restaurant Wait
Four local, but unmistakable VIP's arrived for dinner at a New York hotel right at the busiest time. There was no table available and they were kept waiting in the lobby. The hotel manager spotted them and hurried …
Appeal the Case
Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence." Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?" Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."
Dress in the Window
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam; you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.
A Note
The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note …
Speeding
A policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name and where she was from. She said, "I'm Mrs. Gladiolas Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter …
Central Park
Bob got a new job as a bartender. A patron ordered a Manhattan. When Bob served the drink, there was a piece of parsley floating in the glass. "What in the world is this?" asked the man. Bob …
Sunday Football
After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called. "In who's favor?"
Fried Chicken
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed …
At Library
A man walks up to the main desk a library and says in a loud commanding voice to the librarian, "I'll take two hamburgers, no mayonnaise, and an order of fries". The librarian looks up at him, shocked. …
On Vacation
Jim called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
Apprentice Blacksmith
An apprentice blacksmith was told by his boss to make a hammer. The lad had not the slightest idea how to begin, so he thought he'd be crafty and slip out and buy one. He duly showed the …
Wrong Language
Jill decided to take a trip to Australia. She booked herself on a bus tour, and noticed that a lot of signs were in English and in the Aboriginal language, which her guide carefully pronounced. Eagerly, Jill offered …
Sundial
A lawyer was cross-examining a witness: "You have just testified that you heard the shot at exactly 11:32 p.m.? How did you know what time it was? Did you look at your watch?" "No," the witness said. "I …
Psychoanalysts
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was …
Trained Professionals
John couldn't find his luggage at the airport baggage area. So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags never showed up. She smiled and told him not to worry as …
Herd of Cows
Little Johnny was visiting a dude ranch and wanted everyone to think he was “Macho”. One afternoon he went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, Little Johnny tried starting a conversation: “Say, …
Backwoods Eatery
The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning, but two of the spots were suspicious. "Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these …
Places
Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy Magazines for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?" Steve says, " Cuz with both magazines, I get to see …
Punishment
A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?" "Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells …