The traffic cop stopped the woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver’s license in silence for a moment he said, „You know something, this is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I’ve ever seen. I’m glad to see you aren’t one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face.”
„Sir,” she replied icily, „you are looking at my thumbprint.”
A woman went to doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained.
He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, „What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. „Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”
Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor’s fashion?
The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.
Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium.
It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary.
And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.
Then there was the Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next morning found she was six months pregnant.
Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends.
The first said, „He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats.”
„Impressive.” said the second young thing.
„Well… yes.” the first agreed. „But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit.”
An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:
„As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75.’ If his eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be $50.’ If his eyes still don’t flutter, you add…’Each.'”
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