A man was searching the dictionary for the word „dictionary”. He found this meaning: „Dictionary is the thing you are holding, stupid.”
Wondering what the definition of „stupid” was, he searched for the word „stupid”. He found: „Is that you again?”
Teacher: John, how do you spell „crocodile”?
John: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L.
Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
John: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
A German, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve strolling in the Garden of Eden.
„Look at their reserve, their stoicism,” muses the German. „They must be German.”
„Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. „They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, the are French.”
„No clothes, no shelter.” The Russian points out, „they only have an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. They are Russian!”
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).
The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.
The bride said, „No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom.”
Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s Last Will and Testament.
„To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”
A Native American walks into a posh restaurant. The maitre’d greets him at the counter and says, „I’m terribly sorry sir, but we have no tables available at this time.”
„That’s okay”, replies the Indian, „I have a reservation.
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