22 iun.
A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu: shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.
She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, „What do you suggest I wash it down with?”
„Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”
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15 iun.
Over a pleasant evening meal, Bill, John, and Doug were discussing going to the gym and the various effects of working out.
Doug said that it was possible to get „pectoral inserts” for the „reasonable” cost of $6000.
Bill snickered, looked completely aghast and commented, „For $6000 you could get a personal trainer and get the same result without surgery.”
John replied, „For $6000 you could get a woman who doesn’t care what you look like.”
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25 mai
When visiting her family in Los Angeles, a woman decided to explore a trendy shopping area. After window-shopping, she entered a store with unique table displays. Each table was laid out with distinctive linen, fine china, silver and crystal. The woman was the only customer. The young cashier initially asked if she could help, but the woman declined and said she was only browsing.
The woman was a bit put off by the glances the cashier kept giving her, but nonetheless, she spent almost an hour examining the different makes of china and silver. It was only after thanking the shopkeeper and leaving that this woman discovered she had been inspecting the tableware at a chic restaurant.
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11 mai
While walking through a parking lot, a man tripped and fell flat on his face. As he was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, „Are you hurt?”
„No, I’m fine,” he said, touched by her concern.
„Oh, good,” she continued. „So will you be vacating your parking space now?”
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27 apr.
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, „I gladdened seven hearts today.”
„Seven hearts?” asks the friend. „How did you do that?”
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, „I performed three marriages.”
The friend looks at him quizzically. „Seven?” he asks. „I could understand six, but…”
„Well, I ask you,” says the rabbi, „do you think that I do this for free?”
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20 apr.
For the „Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology,” researchers spent a considerable amount of research funds and claim to have found that birth control pills give women’s voices a more pleasant sound.
Of course any idiot could have told them that, because men always think it’s more pleasant to hear „Yes,” than „No.”
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