Symptoms
A doctor recently had a patient drop in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked. The aged Gentleman replied: "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love …
Categorie
Jokes
Audition
John walks into a theatrical agent's office, and he's carrying a little black bag. The agent says, "Well, let's see your act." John reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He …
Always the Same
After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. …
Tender Venison
A guy was driving down through the South and being hungry, he stopped at a roadside diner. Entering, he say a sign advertising the special "Fresh Venison". The guy orders the Special, and after completing the meal, he …
Chatting Minister
At a church event, our minister stood chatting with a young couple, thinking he had recently christened their baby. "So, are you two finally getting some sleep at night?" he asked. With their stuttering reply, he realized his …
Arctic Training Exercise
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska, intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else …
Can’t Get Out
Jill: There's a nice-looking lady at the window table. John: She's a hooker. Jill: How can you be so sure? John: C'mon! Look at her hair, all that make-up, that short skirt, the plunging neckline, and those high …
Whose Fault
Police Officer: You're definitely to blame for this car accident. Driver: What? That other driver clearly drove into me! How can you say it's my fault and not his? Police Officer: Because his father is the mayor, his …
Ears
Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long …
Christmas Blessing
Little Johnny's mom invited a lot of people to Christmas dinner. At the table, she turned to him and said, "Little Johnny, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," Little Johnny replied. …
Free Christmas Tree
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year. Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it." But the son kept begging. Unable to bear …
Santa’s Reindeer
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop …
Take Either Side
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."
Bar Fight
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the …
Stray Dog
One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she …
Failing Memory
Jill and Nadine were having lunch and Jill looked a little upset. "What’s wrong?" asked Nadine. "I'm really worried about myself," Jill said forlornly. "My memory has always been a source of quiet pride to me, but lately …
Bell’s Laboratory
The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. In the next room sits Bell's assistant, a man named Watson, hard at work on Bell's new invention to transmit sound over wires. …
Something Religious
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated all our visibility." The …
Bigger in Texas
On a family vacation in Texas, Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything …
A Direct Question
A lawyer says to a witness on the stand: "Now, sir, did you, or did you not, on the date in question or at any time, say to the defendant or anyone else that the statement imputed to …