Crowded Bus
It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle was jammed with standing commuters. One woman, precariously balanced on spike heels, clung to a handgrip. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across …
Categorie
Jokes
All-Occasion Card
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card. The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?" The man said, "You don't understand. …
Showgirl Dream
Andy: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row." Psychiatrist: "Hold it, …
Baby Stork
Two storks are sitting in their nest - a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only …
Paratrooper
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our …
Don’t Tell Mom
After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown. He crossed the deck, seized …
Invisible Man
The psychiatrist's receptionist went to her boss and said, "Doctor, there's a man in the office who thinks he's invisible." "The psychiatrist replied, "Tell him I can't see him."
Bicycle Salesman
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how …
Publishing Sermons
The shabbes service finishes and the congregation is invited to a kiddush in the shul hall. During the kiddush, Morris goes over to Rabbi Bloom, shakes his hand and says, "Rabbi, you gave a good sermon today - …
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave …
Speeches
A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!" Confused, the father asks what's wrong. …
Pass the Hat
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him... embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then raising his …
Do the Dishes
Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, "Esther, we will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing …
Funny Hat
A short and very obese woman bought a new hat that featured a flaming red flower on a six-inch stem... One of her friends finally mustered up enough courage to suggest that the hat was not becoming to …
Overactive Fork
"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient. "I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid." "The tests show …
Old Boxer
A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got …
Broken Leg
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boarding house, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took …
Big American Mess
A man lunching at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said, "Chopsticks were provided only on request." "But," the man countered, "if you gave your …
Nearsighted
Bubba: I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death. Elmer: What's being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death? Bubba: I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to …
Get a Raise
Doug: Sir, my wife insisted that I ask you for a raise. Boss: In that case, I'll ask my wife if I should give you one.