Baggage Claim
The weary holiday traveler looked in disbelief at a bunch of mistletoe hanging above the luggage check-in center... Turning to the attendant he asked, “OK, I give up. Why is the mistletoe there above the luggage scale?” “So …
Categorie
Jokes
Missing Dog
The front door was accidentally left open and the dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, Jim got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck. …
Sin of Lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, the minister asked for a …
Bird of Paradise
A Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, “That’s a bird …
Politician
A newcomer to the Ashe County political scene was out canvassing votes. He came to a farm and approached a young man milking a cow. Just as he was starting to make his pitch for a vote, an …
Park Bench
A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us …
Quick Prescription
Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her …
Kill the Umpire
At one game, a lady kept up a steady flow of threats at the umpire. No matter what was happening on the field, she kept yelling, "Kill the umpire! Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. …
Mean Mother
Little Sam was out shopping with his mother, something he didn't like very much. But when they passed a toy store, Sam came to life. He saw a new toy in the window that he didn't have but …
At the Wedding
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the …
Missing Crucifix
A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. …
Bloodwork
Mary: I had to go again today to have bloodwork done. Jill: Oh, I hate that! Mary: I do too, but I try to make jokes about it. When the technician says, "You'll feel a little prick," I …
Solving My Problems
A man complained to his neighbor at the bar, "Yesterday, I thought I'd solved all my problems. I thought I'd found a way to forget my mother-in-law. I went to the pub and got drunk." "Did it work?" …
Not That Name
A man comes to the birth registration office to register his newborn son. The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro." The man says that such …
Lost Contact Lens
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with …
Broken Pay Phone
Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted …
Art Museum
"With a single stroke of a brush," said the art teacher, taking his class around the National Gallery, "Joshua Reynolds could change a smiling face to a frowning one." "That's nothing," said Little Johnny, "So can my mother."
Looking Her Best
The pretty blonde cashier at the Giant Grocery Store told her manager she needed some time off to rest-up because she wasn't looking her best. "Nonsense!" he said, "You look fine!" "No way!!!" replied the blonde. "The men …
Reservations
Enjoying her vacation in Hawaii, Lisa called a cafe to make reservations for 7 PM. Checking her book, the cheery hostess said, "I'm sorry, but all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?" "That's fine," Lisa said. …
Pure Ice Cream
John asked a waiter once if the ice cream was pure. He replied, "As pure as the girl of your dreams." John said, "Oh. Well, bring me some sherbet instead then."