„Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said, „That’s all right. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream, and then get you a new pet. I don’t want you….” Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. „Little Johnny, you’re turtle is not dead after all.”

„Oh,” the disappointed Little Johnny said. „Can I kill it?”

„Little Johnny, did your mother help you with your homework last night?” the teacher asked.

„No, she did it all,” he replied.

„With a single stroke of a brush,” said the art teacher, taking his class around the National Gallery, „Joshua Reynolds could change a smiling face to a frowning one.”

„That’s nothing,” said Little Johnny, „So can my mother.”

Little Johnny’s mom invited a lot of people to Christmas dinner. At the table, she turned to him and said, „Little Johnny, would you like to say the blessing?”

„I wouldn’t know what to say,” Little Johnny replied.

„Just say what you hear Mommy say,” his mother said.

Little Johnny bowed his head and said, „Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

The teacher asked: „Little Johnny, if your father earned $100.00 and gave half of it to your mother, what would she have?”

Little Johnny replied, „A heart attack!”

Little Johnny was visiting a dude ranch and wanted everyone to think he was “Macho”. One afternoon he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

Walking through the barnyard, Little Johnny tried starting a conversation: “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch’, but ‘herd.’ “

“Heard what?” said Little Johnny.

“Herd of cows,” replied the hired hand.

Little Johnny answered defensively, “Sure, I’ve heard of cows. There’s a big bunch of ‘em right over there.”