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A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. „No problem,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.

Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: „Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that all of our engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane.”

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„What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?” complained an irate passenger to the railroad engineer.

„How would we know the trains were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?” replied the engineer.

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. „What’s going on?” she yells out the window.

„Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, „What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”