27 apr.

Gladden Seven Hearts

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, „I gladdened seven hearts today.”

„Seven hearts?” asks the friend. „How did you do that?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, „I performed three marriages.”

The friend looks at him quizzically. „Seven?” he asks. „I could understand six, but…”

„Well, I ask you,” says the rabbi, „do you think that I do this for free?”

07 oct.

Missing Crucifix

A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing.

She asked him good-naturedly, „Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?”

„Oh, sister,” chuckled the rabbi, „I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

20 mai

Publishing Sermons

The shabbes service finishes and the congregation is invited to a kiddush in the shul hall. During the kiddush, Morris goes over to Rabbi Bloom, shakes his hand and says, „Rabbi, you gave a good sermon today – you should have it published.”

„Thank you,” says Rabbi Bloom, „but just between you and me, I’m planning to have all my sermons published posthumously.”

„That’s good news,” says Morris, „and the sooner the better.”

17 iul.

Reward or Punishment

A famous rabbi died and his adoring followers prayed to God to have just a glimpse of him in heaven. Their wish was granted, but to their horror, they saw him with a beautiful blonde on his lap. „Rabbi, Rabbi!” they cried. „How can you behave like this, you, who have always been so saintly?”

„Listen, you don’t understand,” replied the rabbi. „She’s not my reward, I’m her punishment!”

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