A priest was given the job of hearing the confessions for an order of monks. The priest returned to his parish that night and complained to one of the nuns about how long each of the monks took to enumerate all of their sins.

„Oh Father,” said the nun. „It couldn’t have been that bad.”

The priest replied, „Oh it was worse than you can imagine. It was like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses.

„Not bad,” said the priest, „but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

„What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

„Nuns with scissors.”

The priest is repairing the church fence. A boy is standing nearby for a long while. The priest asks him: „Do you want to speak with me, my son?”

„No, I’m just waiting.”

„Waiting for what?”

„Waiting to hear what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer.”

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching Little Johnny efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, „And now what, my little man?”

To which Little Johnny replies, „Now we run!”