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After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, „I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

„Thank heavens,” his date replied. „If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”

A very unpopular but powerful lawyer died. Two of his „friends” saw the obituary notice and decided to go to his funeral. When they arrived, they found the church very crowded.

„My heavens!” said one. „Look at all these people. How do you explain it?”

„Well,” said the other, „Give people what they want and they will all show up.”

One day the wife asked her husband what will he do if she were to die.

The husband replied, „I’ll also die.”

The wife asked him, „Why?”

Husband replied, „Well, you know I have a heart condition and most likely I would not be able to tolerate that much happiness.”