A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him. „Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded.
„No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either.”
A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, „I’d like to look at the accordions, please.”
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says „All our accordions are over there.”
After browsing, the drummer says, „I think I’d like the big red one in the corner.”
The storeowner looks at him and says, „You’re a drummer, aren’t you?”
The drummer, crestfallen, says, „How did you know?”
The storeowner says, „That `big red accordion’ is the radiator.”
„What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?” complained an irate passenger to the railroad engineer.
„How would we know the trains were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?” replied the engineer.
Jill was sitting in a bar having a drink. This guy walked over and sat down next to her. He said, „You have that ‘lost’ look in your eyes.”
Jill said, „You’re close. It’s a ‘get lost’ look.”
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, „Say It with Flowers”.
„Wrap up one rose,” he told the florist.
„Only one?” the florist asked.
„Just one,” the customer replied. „I’m a man of few words.”
„What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
„He’s a magician, Ma’am,” said Little Johnny.
„How interesting. What’s his favorite trick?” she asked.
„He saws people in half,” answered Little Johnny.
„Gosh that’s exciting. Next question. Any brothers or sisters?” continued the secretary.
„Three half brothers and two half sisters.” replied Little Johnny.
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