A blonde called in a repairman to fix her electric clock. He examined it and told her, „There’s nothing wrong with the clock. You didn’t have it plugged in.”
She replied, „I don’t want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what time it is.”
Aubrey Meek was brought before the court on the charge of refusing to obey a police officer.
„Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the officer?” the judge inquired, obviously wondering what unexplained force could have given such a man strength to buck a strong minion of the law.
„It’s like this, your honor,” explained Meek. „My wife said I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot – and I was forced to choose between man’s law and wife’s law.”
Little Joel was tired of hearing about his sister’s up-coming wedding. The whole thing bored him, and the final straw came when we began discussing the rehearsal dinner.
„That does it!” he exclaimed. „Now you’ve really gone overboard!”
His mother explained that every wedding party had to rehearse the ceremony.
„Oh,” Joel said quietly. „I thought we had to rehearse how to eat.”
Nancy’s nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first baby. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick. His little face scrunched and said, „How does the baby get out of there?”
She wanted to keep it simple so she said, „The doctor will help.”
His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, „You’ve got a doctor in there, too?”
Mary: John said those three wonderful words last night!
Jill: Oh, do you mean he told you he loved you?
Mary: Heavens no! He said, „You look skinny.”
Doug: I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours. What are you going to do when she starts to date?
Bill: I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I’ll say, „Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She’s my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing, or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember this: I don’t mind going back to prison.”
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