Billy and Joanna Brown went to a restaurant. Billy was about half way to finishing his meal when he took a hard look at the potato. He called the waitress over and said, „This potato is bad.”
The waitress picked it up, smacked it, put it back on the plate, and said, „If that potato causes any more trouble just let me know.”
Man goes to a doctor. He says, “Doc, I broke my arm in three places.”
Doctor says, “Stay out of those places!”
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?”
“The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
“But where are the glaciers?”
“The glaciers,” said the guide in a weary voice, “have gone back for more rocks.”
The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after extracting the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard.
After they had rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag.
„Please,” whispered the cashier, „take the books, too. I’m $8,500 short.”
Jill: Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?
Mary: Nope! I’m gonna use the same ones I made last year.
Jill: You can’t do that!
Mary: Why not? I never used them; they’re just like brand new!
An optimist stayed up one New Year’s eve to see the arrival of the new year.
The pessimist stayed up to make sure that the old year left.
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