A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, „What’s the matter?”
He said, „I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”
„She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
„She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
When Suzy and John went down to the Georgia coast, they decided to stay in one of those quaint little bed & breakfasts. The clerk asked them if they wanted a room with a shower or a tub.
„What’s the difference?” John asked.
„Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down.”
Doctor: „Madame, I’d like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes.”
Patient: „But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday.”
Doctor: „So he told me… so he told me.”
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, „Have you ever been married?”
„Yes, sir, once,” said the witness in a low voice.
„Whom did you marry?”
„Well, a woman.”
The lawyer said angrily, „Of course you married a woman! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?”
And the witness said meekly, „My sister did.”
A lawyer attended the funeral of a rich man. A friend, arriving late, took a seat beside him and whispered, „How far has the service gone?”
The lawyer nodded toward the clergyman in the pulpit and whispered back, „He just opened for the defense.”
A famous rabbi died and his adoring followers prayed to God to have just a glimpse of him in heaven. Their wish was granted, but to their horror, they saw him with a beautiful blonde on his lap. „Rabbi, Rabbi!” they cried. „How can you behave like this, you, who have always been so saintly?”
„Listen, you don’t understand,” replied the rabbi. „She’s not my reward, I’m her punishment!”
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