An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boarding house, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs.
Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.
„Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady.
„Yes,” he replied.
„Thank goodness!” she said. „I’m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!”
A man lunching at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why.
The waiter said, „Chopsticks were provided only on request.”
„But,” the man countered, „if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”
„True,” the waiter shot back, „but we would have to hire three more people to clean up Big American Mess.”
Bubba: I’m so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death.
Elmer: What’s being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death?
Bubba: I couldn’t tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work all the freakin’ time!
Doug: Sir, my wife insisted that I ask you for a raise.
Boss: In that case, I’ll ask my wife if I should give you one.
A doctor recently had a patient drop in on him for an unscheduled appointment. „What can I do for you today?” the Doctor asked.
The aged Gentleman replied: „Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath… Doctor, I’m scared!”
The Doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said: „Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?”
The old gent’s response was: „Well… three times last night, and twice again this morning!”
John walks into a theatrical agent’s office, and he’s carrying a little black bag. The agent says, „Well, let’s see your act.”
John reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer. He says to the agent, „Well, what do you think?”
The agent says, „That’s your act?”
John says, „Yep.”
The agent says, „What else have you got in the black bag?”
John says, „Aspirin.”
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