12 feb.
After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe.
He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enough to drink. Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom he had wed after a whirlwind courtship, by the hand and tenderly began to lead her towards the bedroom.
„God!” she muttered, „every stinking time I go out with a guy it always ends up the same way.”
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05 feb.
A guy was driving down through the South and being hungry, he stopped at a roadside diner. Entering, he say a sign advertising the special „Fresh Venison”.
The guy orders the Special, and after completing the meal, he saw the cook standing behind the counter and said, „My complements to the chef, that was probably the tenderest venison I have ever eaten!”
The cook looked at him with a smile and replied, „Yep, an 18 wheeler will do that won’t it?”
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29 ian.
At a church event, our minister stood chatting with a young couple, thinking he had recently christened their baby. „So, are you two finally getting some sleep at night?” he asked.
With their stuttering reply, he realized his mistake. They were the couple he had married six weeks earlier.
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22 ian.
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska, intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn’t run and machinery that wouldn’t work.
He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, „Hey, captain, the Northern Lights are out!”
Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, „Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the darn things!”
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15 ian.
Jill: There’s a nice-looking lady at the window table.
John: She’s a hooker.
Jill: How can you be so sure?
John: C’mon! Look at her hair, all that make-up, that short skirt, the plunging neckline, and those high heels.
Jill: But you like it when I dress like that. Do you think I look like a hooker?
John: There’s no way I can get out of this conversation alive, is there?
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08 ian.
Police Officer: You’re definitely to blame for this car accident.
Driver: What? That other driver clearly drove into me! How can you say it’s my fault and not his?
Police Officer: Because his father is the mayor, his brother is the chief of police and I’m engaged to his sister.
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