01 ian.
Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.
Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.
However, it wasn’t his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears, which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear, for that matter.
So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the reconstructive surgical procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as… New Ears Day.
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25 dec.
Little Johnny’s mom invited a lot of people to Christmas dinner. At the table, she turned to him and said, „Little Johnny, would you like to say the blessing?”
„I wouldn’t know what to say,” Little Johnny replied.
„Just say what you hear Mommy say,” his mother said.
Little Johnny bowed his head and said, „Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
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18 dec.
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year. Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, „I don’t want to pay for it.” But the son kept begging.
Unable to bear his son’s whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house. Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. „How did you cut it down so fast?” his son asks.
„I didn’t cut it down,” the father replies. „I got it at a tree lot.”
„Then why did you bring an axe?”
„Because I didn’t want to pay.”
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11 dec.
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen… had to be a girl.
We should’ve known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost.
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04 dec.
A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, „I saw the whole thing. I’ll take either side.”
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27 nov.
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, „Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father’s in a fight.”
Well, they get back to the bar and there’s three guys fighting like you wouldn’t believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, „Okay, which one’s your father?”
The kid looks up at the cop and says, „I don’t know officer, that’s what they’re fighting about.”
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