17 iun.
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up.”
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he said to himself, “Damn. Nothing’s going right. Now I’ll bet that damn truck won’t be there either!”
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10 iun.
After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown.
He crossed the deck, seized the fellow’s hand and said: „Hello, Pete. I haven’t seen you in years. What are you doing these days?”
„I’m practicing law,” whispered Pete. „But don’t tell mom. She thinks I’m still a pimp.”
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03 iun.
The psychiatrist’s receptionist went to her boss and said, „Doctor, there’s a man in the office who thinks he’s invisible.”
„The psychiatrist replied, „Tell him I can’t see him.”
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27 mai
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. „Shucks, I’d sooner spend my money on a cow,” said the farmer.
„Ah,” replied the salesman, „but think how silly you’d look riding around on a cow.”
„Harumph!” retorted the farmer. „Not near as silly as I’d look trying to milk a bicycle!”
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20 mai
The shabbes service finishes and the congregation is invited to a kiddush in the shul hall. During the kiddush, Morris goes over to Rabbi Bloom, shakes his hand and says, „Rabbi, you gave a good sermon today – you should have it published.”
„Thank you,” says Rabbi Bloom, „but just between you and me, I’m planning to have all my sermons published posthumously.”
„That’s good news,” says Morris, „and the sooner the better.”
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13 mai
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, „I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”
„Thank heavens,” his date replied. „If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
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