Enjoying her vacation in Hawaii, Lisa called a cafe to make reservations for 7 PM. Checking her book, the cheery hostess said, „I’m sorry, but all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?”
„That’s fine,” Lisa said.
„Okay,” the woman confirmed. Then she added, „Just be advised that you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table.”
John asked a waiter once if the ice cream was pure.
He replied, „As pure as the girl of your dreams.”
John said, „Oh. Well, bring me some sherbet instead then.”
It was rush hour, and the city bus filled until the aisle was jammed with standing commuters. One woman, precariously balanced on spike heels, clung to a handgrip. Suddenly the bus took a sharp corner, flinging her across the laps of two seated male passengers. There was silence and all eyes turned on the threesome.
Laughter erupted as the quick-witted woman righted herself and quipped, „All these years I thought I was British, and now I find I’m a Laplander!”
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.
The clerk replied, „We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?”
The man said, „You don’t understand. I need a card that covers both events! You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday…”
Andy: „Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row.”
Psychiatrist: „Hold it, Andy. That doesn’t sound so terrible.”
Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end…”
Two storks are sitting in their nest – a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him. „Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”
The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says, „Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”
A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night. The baby stork says, „Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college students!”
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