Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

„Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to cut a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”

„Oh dear! I’m very sorry,” replied her friend, „What did you do?”

„Called and had a pizza delivered instead.”

Sarcasmul întâmplării

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s Last Will and Testament.

„To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

„Do you mean to tell me your whole family was shocked and surprised when your ninety-five-year-old uncle died?” Bill asked Doug.

„That’s right.” Doug said.

„But if he was ninety-five years old, why was everybody surprised?” Bill asked.

Doug shakes his head and says, „Well, who the heck would ever expect his parachute to not open?”

A lawyer was trying to console a weeping widow. Her husband had passed away without a will. „Did the deceased have any last words?” asked the lawyer.

„You mean right before he died?” sobbed the widow.

„Yes,” replied the lawyer. „They might be helpful if it’s not too painful for you to recall.”

„Well,” she began, „he said ‘Don’t try to scare me! You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with that gun.'”

A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. „Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!” she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: „Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.”

„I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front.”