At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. „The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing, Entertain. And stay home at night!”
An old granny overheard and spoke up, „Girl, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”
John’s dog chewed the tongue on one of his new, very expensive running shoes. He hoped to save his investment, so he took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. He placed them on the counter and told the man, „My dog got hold of this.”
The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter.
„Well, what do you recommend?” John asked.
The repairman replied, „Give your dog the other shoe.”
John: I met my wife at a dance.
Hector: How romantic! What was the first thing you said to her?
John: „I thought you were at home with our kids!”
A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion.
“Not a single grandchild,” he said with a sigh. “Why, I’ll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let’s say grace.”
When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only other person at the table.
While the U.S. stock market was at an all time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial advisor at the bank and asked if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby.
He was amazed and asked, „Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”
He said, „Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”
At his 103rd birthday party, the grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.
„I certainly do,” he replied. „Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104.”
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