Two venerable citizens were talking about King Solomon. „That old Solomon, he was a mighty wise King,” mused one of them. „All those wives and concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide the necessary food for all those women.”
„How he fed all those women doesn’t interest me,” said the second man, „I just wonder what he was eating himself.”
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. “And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?”
The first vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The second vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, “I’ll have a glass of plasma.”
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, “Two bloods and a blood light”.
A man started to snore in his seat at the opera. „Please stop your snoring,” the usher pleaded. „You are disturbing the others…”
„Look, buddy,” the man said angrily, „I paid for this seat and I’ll do whatever I want!”
„Yes, sir,” replied the usher. „But please be considerate… you are keeping everybody awake!”
A 6-year-old girl came up to his father in the morning and told him about this thrilling dream she had had the night before. When she suddenly stopped in the middle of the story, he asked her, „Okay, so how did the dream end?”
She answered, „I don’t know.”
„What do you mean, you don’t know?”
„There was a commercial.”
Teacher: „Who can tell me what the former ruler of Russia was called?”
Class: „Tsar.”
Teacher: „Correct; and what was his wife called?”
Class: „Tsarina.”
Teacher: „What were the Tsar’s children called?”
There was a pause, and then a timid voice from the back quipped up: „Tsardines?”
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. „Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler.
The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, „No, just engrave it: ‘To My One and Only Love’. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”
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