30 aug.
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.
The driver looks at the trooper and says, „No thanks, I just bought some.”
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23 aug.
A man walks up to the main desk a library and says in a loud commanding voice to the librarian, „I’ll take two hamburgers, no mayonnaise, and an order of fries”.
The librarian looks up at him, shocked. Summoning up all the testy authority she can, she says to him, „Sir, this is a library!”
The man pauses for only a split second and then leans over close to her, cups his hand over his mouth so as to direct his voice only to her ear, and whispers, „I’ll take two hamburgers, no mayonnaise, and an order of fries”.
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16 aug.
Jim called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, „Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?”
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09 aug.
An apprentice blacksmith was told by his boss to make a hammer. The lad had not the slightest idea how to begin, so he thought he’d be crafty and slip out and buy one.
He duly showed the new hammer to his boss, who said, „That’s excellent boy! Now make fifty more just like it!”
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02 aug.
Jill decided to take a trip to Australia. She booked herself on a bus tour, and noticed that a lot of signs were in English and in the Aboriginal language, which her guide carefully pronounced.
Eagerly, Jill offered to try and pronounce the next sign she saw. As the next sign came up, Jill read aloud, „Riff-ley rang-gee. Is that right?”
„Well,” said the tour guide, „I would have said rifle range.”
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26 iul.
A lawyer was cross-examining a witness:
„You have just testified that you heard the shot at exactly 11:32 p.m.? How did you know what time it was? Did you look at your watch?”
„No,” the witness said. „I looked at the sundial in the garden.”
„That’s absurd,” screamed the lawyer. „How could you tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?”
„I had a flashlight,” the witness said.
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