An American and an English officer were in the Officers’ Mess having a few drinks. After several of them, they hit on the idea to make the following (gentleman’s) bet:: The one who could tell the biggest lie would win.
They drew straws, and the American officer got to start: „Well,” he says, „there once was an American gentleman–”
„Stop!” cried the Englishman, „You win!”
Noticing that her husband’s relationship with the alluring young miss across the street was becoming more than a little friendly, the suspicious wife awoke one morning to find herself alone in bed.
Angered, she dialed her attractive neighbor and bellowed into the phone, „Tell my husband to get his ass across the street.”
„Ma’am,” a soft, sexy voice replied, „That’s where he’s been getting it for some time now.”
At a baby shower her co-workers gave her, Jane mentioned she had a craving for grapes. „My husband and I wonder if we have a wine maker here,” she joked.
„Don’t laugh,” added an older friend, „I couldn’t stop eating doughnuts during my pregnancy, and now our son’s a policeman.”
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman says, “When are you leaving?”
The employees at a bank went on strike, leaving the bank officers to do the teller’s tasks. While the strike was on, a customer called the bank to ask if they were open. They told her that they had two windows open.
Then the caller asked, „Is there a reason I can’t I just come through the front door?”
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