On his first day in America, the new immigrant went straight to the Automat, where he was seen feeding one nickel after another into the cherry pie slot.
„Are you crazy?” his cousin asked him. „You already have a dozen pieces of pie!”
The greenhorn replied, „What’s it to you if I keep winning?”
John met a man who had been married for 66 years. „Amazing! 66 years!” John said. „What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”
„Well,” the old man replied, „It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”
„Really? Does that really work?”
„Oh, yes,” the old man said proudly. „66 years, and so far, not one big decision!”
There was a little boy in Kindergarten. He cried, so the teacher asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, „I can’t find my boots.”
The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots, „Are these yours?”
„No, they’re not mine,” the boy shook his head. The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots. Finally, the teacher gave up, „Are you sure those boots are not yours?”
„I’m sure,” the boy sobbed, „mine had snow on them.”
After traveling a few blocks, a large breasted lady realized she had no money and immediately informed the taxi driver. „You’d better stop. I can’t pay you and it’s ten dollars already,” she said.
The driver checked her out in the rear-vision mirror. „That’s okay,” he said. „I’ll turn down the first dark street, get in the back seat and take off your bra.”
„You’d be cheating yourself,” she replied, „This bra is only worth five dollars.”
A guy was invited to an old friends’ home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, „I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy hung his head. „To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago.”
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