Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

23 Mar

Cat’s Name

„Hey that’s a nice cat you got. What’s its name?”

„The cat’s name is Ow.”

„That’s a funny name for a cat; how did he get his name?”

„The cat named himself.”

„Dont be silly, cats can’t talk.”

„This cat talks. The first time I saw this cat I asked him, ‘Hey cat, whats your name?’ Of course, being a cat, he used very bad grammar but, nevertheless, he distinctly answered, ‘Me, Ow.'”

16 Mar

Cheese Choice

Sean stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped her when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.

„What’s the difference?” Sean asked.

„Hello?” replied the girl, sighing and rolling her eyes. „The COLOR is different!”

09 Mar

Women’s Intuition

Also known as ‘women’s intuition,’ this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what’s going on in their man’s lives almost better than they do. Why is this?

Researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain’s two hemispheres than men do. It’s these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces.

That, and they go through all your stuff while you’re in the shower!

02 Mar

Opposites Attract

„You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,” said the new tenant’s neighbor. „Why on earth did you get married?”

„I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,” was the reply. „He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

23 Feb

Husband Coming Home

A husband had just arrived home from a six-month tour of duty. The husband closed the front door and immediately he and his wife were furiously making love upstairs when, suddenly, the wind slammed a door shut somewhere else in the house. The husband said jokingly, „Oh God! NO! That must be your husband coming home.”

And the wife replies without thinking, „No, don’t worry. He’s off in the Navy for six months.”

09 Feb

Late for Work

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, „I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

And the boss said, „And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”

© 2018