Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

29 Dec

Stupid Gift

Jill: How was your Christmas?

Mary: Oh, it was just fine. How was yours?

Jill: Pretty good… At least this year I didn’t get any useless or stupid gifts. Did you ever get a gift that you just hated?

Mary: Yeah, one year I got one of those talking scales. The first thing it said to me was, „One of you has to get off!”

22 Dec

Santa Claus

The four stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

15 Dec

Carry-on Luggage

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.

Without blinking the attendant said, „My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn’t make it a carry-on.”

08 Dec

Good Old Days

Grandpa John was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular…

„When I was a boy, my momma could send me to the store, and I’d get a ham, a quart of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, and a Jet magazine… all fo’ a quarter!! You can’t DO that no mo’… them daing video cameras is ever’where ya look……”

01 Dec

Military Medals

At a diplomatic reception, the Mexican general appeared in a magnificent uniform, liberally bespattered with medals and decorations. „That’s most impressive,” said the US ambassador. „Tell me, general, what did you get all those for?”

„In your money,” replied the Mexican general, „about five dollars!”

24 Noi

Fight

John got in a fight with a really big guy, and he said, „I’m going to mop the floor with your face.”

John said, „You’ll be sorry.”

He said, „Oh, yeah? Why?”

John said, „Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

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