Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

07 Iul

Voices

Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face. „Doctor,” he says, „you’ve got to help me. Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?”

„Yes,” the doctor replies.

„Well, they’ve suddenly gone away,” Murray says.

„So what’s the problem?”

„I think I’m going deaf.”

30 Iun

Boring

Mary: I can’t believe how boring my life has become.

Jill: What do you mean?

Mary: The only time I hear myself say, „I’m coming” is when I’m trying to tell my cat I’m getting his food ready!

23 Iun

Little Johnny’s Turtle

„Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said, „That’s all right. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream, and then get you a new pet. I don’t want you….” Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. „Little Johnny, you’re turtle is not dead after all.”

„Oh,” the disappointed Little Johnny said. „Can I kill it?”

16 Iun

Make-up Sex

Mary: One time my ex and I had hardly finished fighting, when I inadvertently started another argument.

Jill: What happened?

Mary: Well, my ex suggested I might enjoy some „make-up sex”, and I innocently asked, „Does it have to be with you?”

09 Iun

Paris Airport

An elder American absent mindedly arrived at French customs at Paris airport and fumbled for his passport. „You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically. The ancient Yank admitted that he had been to France before.

„Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for inspection,” snapped the irate official.
The American said that the last time he came to France he did not have to show his passport.

„Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France.”

The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. „I assure you, young man, that when I came ashore on Omaha Beach in Normandy on D Day in 1944, there was no goddam Frenchman on the beach asking to see my passport!”

02 Iun

Little Johnny’s Homework

„Little Johnny, did your mother help you with your homework last night?” the teacher asked.

„No, she did it all,” he replied.

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