Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

19 apr.

Hearing Confessions

A priest was given the job of hearing the confessions for an order of monks. The priest returned to his parish that night and complained to one of the nuns about how long each of the monks took to enumerate all of their sins.

„Oh Father,” said the nun. „It couldn’t have been that bad.”

The priest replied, „Oh it was worse than you can imagine. It was like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

12 apr.

Hard to Quit

Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly.

Several minutes passed… and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, „Dean, you weren’t jumping on the beds again, were you?”

He stood with his little head dropped low and said, „I’m trying, but it’s so hard to quit.”

05 apr.

Puritans

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: „What sort of people were punished in the stocks?”

To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: „The small investor.”

29 mart.

Broken Plates

Reisha was on the phone to Marina crying her eyes out as if her heart would break. „What’s wrong, Reisha?” Marina asked.

„My good China plates! My husband broke them!” she sobbed.

„He must have really been mad. How did he break them, honey?” Marina consoled.

Reisha howled over the phone, „I hit him over the head with them.”

22 mart.

Stabbing Pain

Margaret (a blonde) and Jill were chatting over coffee.

Margaret said, „I’ve been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I’m fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye.”

Margaret took a sip of her coffee. „Owwww!” she cried. „There it goes again!”

Said Jill, „Margaret, take the spoon out of the cup.”

15 mart.

Driver’s License Picture

The traffic cop stopped the woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver’s license in silence for a moment he said, „You know something, this is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I’ve ever seen. I’m glad to see you aren’t one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face.”

„Sir,” she replied icily, „you are looking at my thumbprint.”

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