Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

04 ian.

Health or Wealth

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack’s Last Will and Testament.

„To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill.”

28 dec.

Fancy Restaurant

A Native American walks into a posh restaurant. The maitre’d greets him at the counter and says, „I’m terribly sorry sir, but we have no tables available at this time.”

„That’s okay”, replies the Indian, „I have a reservation.

21 dec.

Gift Prayers

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. „I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW GAME CONSOLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW SNEAKERS…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, „Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother replied, „No, but Gramma is!”

14 dec.

Formal

One night as she prepared for bed, Jill rubbed her hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As she sat in bed reading a book with her gloves on, her husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.

Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and started wearing it.

„What are you doing?” Jill asked.

„Well,” he replied, „if you are going to be formal, so am I.”

07 dec.

Norway’s Unknown Soldier

A delegation from the USA came to Norway, and after the grand reception and everything, asked to be taken to the monument of the unknown soldier. The hosts became very confused, and didn’t know what to do – they had no such thing – they feared a diplomatic incident! Suddenly one of the hosts said, „Follow me!”

So, desperate as they were, they did; they followed him. Suddenly they came to a hill, on top of which there was a statue of Sibelius. Puzzled, everyone asked him what was that supposed to be! And so he explained: „Sibelius was very very famous as a composer, but as a soldier – he was completely unknown!”

30 nov.

Eight Children

A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to place an announcement that she had given birth to eight children. The line was bad, and the operator didn’t hear the message. „Would you repeat that?”, the operator asked.

„Not if I can help it,” said the mother.

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