Arhiva categoriei 'Jokes'

20 iul.

Chasing the Truck

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing. Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, „If that’s the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!”

13 iul.

Blonde Flying the Plane

A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. „Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!” she screams.

Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: „Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position.”

„I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front.”

06 iul.

Wrong Number

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang „Happy Birthday” to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.

„Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. „You folks need all the practice you can get.”

29 iun.

Behind the Church

The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told the congregation, „Brothers and sisters, we are going to have to do something about people parking behind the church at night. I was out there this morning and there are enough beer cans out there to build a car.”

One of the old sisters stood up and said, „Amen brother and enough rubbers to put tires on it.”

22 iun.

Blind Date

A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make a good impression. The waiter approaches the table and asks to take their order.

The lady begins ordering practically everything on the menu: shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar salad, lobster, crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price. The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she would order so much.

She then stops, and looks across at him, and asks, „What do you suggest I wash it down with?”

„Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the Mississippi River.”

15 iun.

Looking Better

Over a pleasant evening meal, Bill, John, and Doug were discussing going to the gym and the various effects of working out.

Doug said that it was possible to get „pectoral inserts” for the „reasonable” cost of $6000.

Bill snickered, looked completely aghast and commented, „For $6000 you could get a personal trainer and get the same result without surgery.”

John replied, „For $6000 you could get a woman who doesn’t care what you look like.”

© 2018